


Keep your memories in a bottle

by thisisamadhouse



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Camelot, Dark!OQ, F/M, Happy Ending week, Heroes and Villains Universe (Once Upon a Time), cursed OQ, pre curse OQ
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-06-07 13:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15220511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisamadhouse/pseuds/thisisamadhouse
Summary: An unusual gift makes Regina live through all the Happy Endings she could have had with Robin… until the real one





	1. Bandit OQ

In retrospect, Regina probably should have been more careful with her coronation gifts. She might have been embraced by the people who had once feared hearing her very name, but she knew that there were still a few individuals who had no lost love for her. The bottle of wine had seemed so appealing though, after a long day of niceties and celebrations, that she couldn’t resist opening it to enjoy a glass, as she settled comfortably in her armchair on the balcony, relishing in the calm and quiet of the night.

 

She could feel that something was not quite right just a few moments later, the dizziness so sudden and overpowering that it left little doubt in her mind as to its origin. She tried to get up but she had no balance, and she sent her glass crashing to the floor as she seized both armrests to sit back down, the remaining wine seeping on the stones to form a dark red puddle.

 

She had to close her eyes, the vertigo too intense to keep them open, and then she lost consciousness.

* * *

Regina blinked her eyes open, frowning in confusion, wondering why she was lying on the ground, until the recent events rushed back to her memory: Henry, the boy who had claimed to be her son, and his other mother convincing her to stop Robin Hood’s wedding to right their stories -whatever that meant-, their fight with the Ogre Slayer, and putting herself in his way to save the boy, the deadly wound to her stomach and Robin holding onto her hand as she felt her life slipping away… 

 

Robin, who was still looking down at her, smiled through his tears, as he noticed that she was awake. Regina raised her free hand in front of her face, finding it clean of any trace of blood, the unbearable pain from before gone.

 

“What happened?” She asked him, as he helped her up from the ground, after having checked her over.

 

“I’m not sure,” he replied, keeping her close, even as she seemed to be able to stand on her two feet, though Regina found that she didn’t mind. “The young boy used some of your blood to rewrite the story, he called you a hero, a saviour even, and when he was done there was a flash of light, and he, the blonde woman, and that distasteful man disappeared, then your wounds healed. I can’t tell you how relieved I was about that part.”

 

She smiled fondly at his heartfelt sincerity, she had not been shown much gratuitous kindness in her life, but with Robin there was no question that it was natural and lacking any kind of ulterior motive.

 

His eyes clouded over for a moment, and he looked away, still keeping her hands in his warm grip. “I saw you at the church’s entrance, as we were saying our vows. I thought that you were going to enter and stop me, but when you didn’t…” He trailed off, unable to say the words.

 

Regina swallowed the lump forming in her throat, and she let go of his hold to cradle his cheeks and catch his gaze.

 

“I wanted to, I really did, but that boy needed me, I had to save him,” she replied.

 

“I know that now, and given how much I was hoping you would speak up, I should have never gone through with this wedding. Maybe… Maybe, we should try again,” Robin offered, and Regina’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

 

“You want me to actually stop your wedding?” She wondered, making him chuckle.

 

“My bride seems to have run away, so I don’t think it could be possible. What I meant was that I would like to make this right.”

 

‘Is this your idea of a proposal? Because I find it seriously lacking.”

 

“I sh all do this properly then,” Robin said, putting one knee on the ground.

 

“You are actually considering it?” Regina interrupted him. “Are you sure this is what you want? We barely know each other.”

 

“And yet, from the moment I met you, I have thought of little else but you,” Robin admitted. “I know that your life has been far from easy, the loneliness, the fear, the hardships. It would be my honor to show you that there is more out there.”

 

Regina tugged him to his feet, shaking her head. “You’re insane, Robin Hood.”

 

“Is that a ‘Yes’?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear.

 

She rolled her eyes. “I guess I could do worse,” she answered, threading her fingers through the hair at the back of his head to bring him down to her level, and kissed him for the first time.

 

* * *

Regina could still feel the taste of Robin’s lips as she regained consciousness, back in her chambers in the reunited Realms. The hallucination, vivid dream, or whatever this was supposed to be, was certainly intended to hurt her, but Regina could never resent any incarnation of Robin she was able to meet, and she just added this memory to the others, reflection of a too short time spent with her soulmate.

 

She went back inside and considered the bottle of wine, entertaining the thought of throwing it away for only a second before corking it and putting it away.


	2. Camelot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating going up in this chapter

Regina never told anyone about the bottle of wine, and she didn’t try to find out where it had come from either. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, she had decided. She kept it, like a number of magical artefacts she had collected over the years, by curiosity, just in case, for a rainy day, but she was convinced she would never touch it again.

 

Yet, she found herself contemplating it, a year later, on the anniversary of Robin’s death. She knew, from too many experiences to count, that the pain would never really go away, maybe it had dulled slightly over the years, but it remained there, in the background, like a soreness instead of an acute torture.

 

There were days where she barely thought about him, he was not forgotten, his presence just lingered at the edge of her mind, and then, on other occasions, something would remind her of him so badly that it felt like reopening an old wound.

 

That night, after Henry and his family had gone back home, after Roland had returned back to the Enchanted Forest, and the Prince had gone to bed, Regina slipped out to her vault and filled a glass of the red wine, wondering where it would lead her this time.

* * *

Regina nervously smoothed out invisible wrinkles on her red, velvet dress as she waited for Robin. She felt nervous all of a sudden, romantic gestures weren’t exactly her forte, Daniel had been the one to pull them off under Cora’s nose, and after he passed, neither Leopold nor her other liaisons had ever made a real effort, not that she had wanted them to. Camelot left something to be desired though, and she was eager to take their minds off their trouble, if only for a night.

 

Robin entered the room, and the gramophone she had enchanted started playing. He smiled, in that adorably confused way of his, as he took in their room, with the furnitures pushed back against the wall, and Regina standing in the middle of the wide, cleared space.

 

“What’s all this?” He wondered, crossing the room to join her, encircling her in his arms and pressing his lips to hers in greeting.

 

Regina hummed against his mouth as they parted. “We were interrupted last time, I wanted a good memory associated with our first dance,” she explained, leaving out the fact that she had burned down the dress she had worn during the ball, and it had taken three nights of silent nightmares to bring herself to this point. She needed something to distract herself from the sight of Robin’s lifeless body, and she knew, from his not so silent nightmares, that he felt the same.

 

“I like this idea,” he said, keeping his right arm around her waist and taking her right hand in his left, starting to gently sway them in step with the music.

 

For almost an hour, they valsed and twirled, getting lost in the melodies and each other, and it felt so good to laugh and let go. As the last tune came to an end, Robin brought her closer, resting his forehead against hers and breathing her in.

 

“Thank you for planning this evening,” he told her softly, and she hugged him tighter.

 

“I think we deserved the break,” she whispers.

 

He nodded. “What about finishing tonight on an even better note?” He asked, and she leaned back to look at him.

 

“What did you have in mi…” She started, and squealed when he took her in his arms and carried her towards the bed.

 

“This,” he said, laying her down, grinning boyishly, making her laugh.

 

“I like the way you think.” She banished their clothes, and he groaned as the sight of her naked beneath him.

 

“Cheater,” he growled. “I rather love disrobing you,” he murmured against her neck, trailing kisses and bites along the delicate column down to her chest, laving her nipples with his tongue, before sucking them greedily, enjoying the way she arched up towards him, as the hand not holding him up caresses her silky skin.

 

“I prefer what follows,” she moaned.

 

“Well then, I better make it worth your while.”

 

* * *

Regina’s heart was still racing as she woke up, the memory of their combined taste on her tongue from Robin’s thorough foreplay, her muscles still lose and relaxed after her release, her skin still tingling where it had rested against Robin’s after they had settled under the sheets to rest, his whispered “I love you” still ringing in her ear.


	3. Dark OQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A different style for this chapter, hope you will still like it.

Of all the people who could have discovered her secret, Regina found it somehow fitting that it would be herself, or rather her other self. Ever since the realms had been reunited in Storybrooke, and the Enchanted Forest was just another neighbourhood easily accessible by car, she had gotten used to seeing her repentant counterpart much more often, along with her all-too familiar husband, and what was essentially their brood. 

 

For the former Evil Queen had appointed herself in charge of the orphaned and abandoned children of all the Realms, after she and Roland had found an infant girl on her doorstep. The two Reginas had joined their considerable forces to improve women and children care across the Kingdoms, but there were still some tragic situations where nothing could be done. The Queen welcomed every and all children, no question asked, and gave them a home, a family, love… Their best chance, Henry had resumed it perfectly, and he would know better than anyone else.

 

Over the years, it wouldn’t be rare for Regina to be invited to the introduction of the newest arrival, or to an archery competition that Robin of Locksley had become quite renowned for. This darker version of the Robin that Regina had loved was certainly not born to be a father, but he had worked hard to overcome his selfish instincts, and he had a knack for connecting with the most troublesome youths they took under their wings.

 

The dynamic between the Queen and her Thief was a sight to behold, and it had taken Regina a long time before she was able to stand to be in their presence for hours at a time. It wasn’t jealousy per se -though she had wondered more than once what would have happened if she had felt even an hint of a spark with Robin of Locksley-, maybe she was slightly envious that they had everything she had dreamed of for Robin and herself. The Queen knew her well enough to notice when her mood shifted in that direction.

 

They were sitting together in the middle of the dais full of spectators who had come to admire Robin’s best pupils as they competed against each other.

 

“Holly is giving Roland a hard time today, if she doesn’t win it will be a close thing,” the Queen commented, beaming with pride at her first adopted daughter’s achievements, as one of her arrows perfectly split Roland’s right at the center of the target.

 

Regina nodded, smirking as Roland gently bumped into his adoptive sister‘s shoulder after she had punched the air in a premature victory celebration.

 

“You’ve done an amazing job with her, with all of them.”

 

The Queen glanced towards her husband. “It’s a team effort.”

 

Regina bit her bottom lip hard and closed her eyes until she felt her hands, which were tightly joined together on her lap, being squeezed. She looked up at her mirror image, and could see the understanding and compassion that only someone who knew exactly what she had been through could offer.

 

“It’s all thanks to you. You gave us this chance, just like you gave every single person living in those Realms a chance, and we’ve been making the most of it.”

 

Regina arched a single eyebrow at her tone and the innuendo at the end of her statement. The Queen and her Robin were notorious for their inability to keep their hands off one another, they had traumatized more than one dwarf since they got together.

 

The Queen snorted in a decidedly un regal manner. “You know what I mean.”

 

“Oh I have some ideas, like half of the inhabitants of the Realms I would say,” Regina concurred.

 

“What I’m saying is that I would have never expected to have all of this after everything I have done. You never know what life has in store for you, and it might not be a good idea to lose yourself in fantasies and have it pass you by,” the Queen hinted softly, and Regina caught on immediately.

 

“You’ve been snooping again, haven’t you?” She stated more than asked.

 

The Queen shrugged. “Well, I can’t possibly ask for your permission each time I need a special ingredient, now can I?”

 

“It’s commonly referred to as good manners, but I’ll indulge you for the sake of the conversation,” Regina replied, with all the patience of a teacher with an especially unruly child.

 

The Queen ignored her. “Anyway, that bottle intrigued me, and it seemed harmless enough so I decided to try it, I was curious as to why you would be holding on to it.”

 

“Excuse me, what?” Regina exclaimed, before lowering her voice when she noticed she had attracted the attention of those around them. “You just drank it? Are you serious?”

 

“Extremely serious, and let me tell you that it was a pretty interesting night for us.”

 

“You shared it with Robin?”

 

“Of course, and I’m glad I did, but it’s powerful stuff…”

 

“Look I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do, and I’ll even overlook the stealing, but please, stay out of this,” Regina pleaded with the Queen.

 

“I just want to make sure…”

 

“I know,” Regina interrupted, clasping one of the Queen’s hand in hers, turning fully in her seat, getting as close to the other woman as possible. “I know, but those moments, those memories, they help. You have the real thing, and it’s wonderful, but my Robin is gone, and sometimes, when I think about all the time we didn’t get to spend together, it drives me crazy. Whatever magic is in that wine, what it makes me see, it helps. Can you understand that?”

 

The Queen studied her for a long moment, before nodding slowly. “Yes, I can.”

 

“And we have a winner!” Robin announced loudly, reminding them of where they were, and they both swiveled around to see him holding one of Holly’s hand up, the girl smiling brightly.

 

Both Reginas stood up to join them, the Queen embraced the girl and gave her the golden arrows as her reward, while Regina comforted a sulking Roland.

 

Later, at dinner, after having observed the Queen and Robin most of the night, Regina proposed a toast:

 

“To happily ever afters, in whatever shape or form they take,” she declared, raising her glass to them, and the Queen returned the gesture, nodding in reply, from her seat on Robin’s lap.


	4. Before the first curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still interested in this fic, here is the 4th chapter. So sorry that it took so long, RL has been so busy lately! Anyway, let me know what you think

 

Regina had often wondered what would have happened if she had met Robin in the Enchanted Forest, how her life would have turned out if she had had the courage to go into the tavern all those years ago, but there were very few scenarios, if any, that could have ended well. Between the King’s possessive nature and Rumple’s plans, she had been trapped by much more than her mother’s enchanted vines.

 

However, on the third time she poured herself a glass of her special wine, she was given to see a whole new possible outcome that she had never considered before.

* * *

The latest development in their hunt for Snow White had brought Regina and her Black Guards to a village at the edge of Sherwood Forest. As her soldiers spread out to randomly search houses and interrogate villagers, Regina stood in the middle of the small market place, her deadly presence sending the denizens scurrying along, heads bent, as if it would make them invisible to her eyes.

 

There was one little boy though, who couldn’t be more than four-years-old, and who seemed oblivious to what was happening around him as he kept picking up blossoms from flower beds until his little fist could barely close around the stems. Regina observed him closely, from his unruly mop of curly, dark hair to the bottom of his dark green cloak which threatened to trip him at any wrong turn; he looked healthy, well taken care of, and most of all happy, with an easy smile showing two symmetrical dimples on his face, humming a cheerful tune. She wondered how he had found himself here, all alone.

 

She tensed in anticipation as he approached her with his bouquet of surprisingly well assorted flowers, quickly studying her surroundings. She knew the sort of people that Sherwood harboured, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched for this to be an elaborate trap. There was no immediate threat that her magic could sense, but it didn’t mean that there couldn’t be someone lurking around, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

 

Finally, the boy was standing in front of her, extending the little arm holding the colorful arrangement towards her, with a bashful smile.

 

Regina frowned slightly. “Why are you giving me this?” She asked, and the little boy shrugged, looking down as he scuffed the toe of his boot against the ground.

 

“You’re very pretty,” he answered simply, taking Regina aback completely. She had gotten so used to fawning courtiers that she couldn’t remember the last time she had heard an actual compliment from someone who seemed to mean it.

 

She crouched down to his level, the lapels of her blood red coat spreading around her, and offered him a sincere, if hesitant, smile in response, as she carefully took the bouquet, inhaling its scent.

 

The boy gently combed through the soft, dark tresses she had let flowing free beneath her black hat.

 

The moment was broken by a deep voice resounding from behind the boy. “Stay away from my son,” it demanded, making Regina look up to see a hooded man aiming at her with a drawn bow and arrow.

 

She was about to rise up, and show him just what she thought of his threats, when the boy surprisingly burrowed himself closer to her, turning towards his father. “It’s alright, Papa, she is a Queen.”

 

“I know that Roland, and you need to come to me right now,” the man said.

 

“But…” The boy started to protest before being cut off by his father.

 

“Now, Roland,” his tone brooked no argument.

 

The tot’s bottom lip trembled, and he shuffled towards his father as slowly as he could.

 

Regina drew herself up to her full height. “You really think that you can hurt me with those?” She asked, staring at his bow and arrow with disdain.

 

“It has never failed me so far,” he retorted, flexing his arm, ready to fire.

 

“And you would attempt to kill me right in front of your son, without any provocation?”

 

This seemed to throw him off his game, and he looked down at the boy, who was clutching his father’s breeches with wide, worried eyes.

 

“You’re the Evil Queen,” he muttered, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than insult her.

 

“And I won’t go down easy, are you willing to risk it?” She questioned.

 

He considered her for a moment, but she couldn’t discern his face, his hood still obscuring it. In a move she didn’t anticipate, he adjusted his aim and shot. The arrow didn’t come close to hitting anything vital, and Regina caught it easily, watching as the man grabbed his son and ran.

 

“Do we pursue them, Your Majesty?” The captain of her guards, who had stood back silently during the exchange, asked.

 

“No, let them go,” Regina ordered, still looking at the spot where father and son had stood. “Anything about Snow White?”

 

“Unfortunately, no, my Queen.”

 

“Let’s leave this wretched place then.”

 

Back at the Dark Palace, both the lack of progress in finding Snow and her encounter with whom she now knew was the man who had been dubbed the Prince of Thieves, sent her in a fit of rage. Torn garments, fragile glass objects crashing against the walls, burned carpets and curtains, furnitures turned upside down, it wasn’t until she had nothing left to destroy that Regina stopped, panting and disheveled in the middle of the room, looking around at the wreckage, the darkness inside her temporarily satiated.

 

Her gaze settled on the bouquet of flowers, which had miraculously survived the general destruction, and, in her hand, a ball of fire appeared. The memory of the little boy’s shy smile and genuine gesture tugged at her heartstrings, and she closed her fist, extinguishing the flame. She picked up the blossoms delicately instead, and placed them under a bell jar, casting a spell to preserve them.

 

A couple of days later, Regina had sent her guards on what would probably turn out to be another wild-goose chase, but she would leave no stone unturned in her frantic search for Snow. With her security at its lowest and distracted by matters of State, it was little wonder that the Thief would easily find his way in.

 

Regina forced herself not to react when she heard him climb up on the balcony, the only outward sign was her grip on her quill tightening as she kept writing. Twice now he had surprised her, she had spared him for his son’s sake last time, but she would not be so merciful if he was presumptuous enough to think that he could attack her in her own domain.

 

“You kept it,” he said, and she finished her sentence, the final dot threatening to puncture the parchment, before slowly rising from her chair and turning around to find his attention focused on the bell jar and Roland’s gift inside.

 

She leant back against her table, considering him: he didn’t bother with putting on the hood this time, and she was rather partial to what she saw. She had expected some unkempt, rugged commoner, given what she had heard about the so-called Merry Men. She was pleasantly surprised to find that there might be some truth to the rumors that Robin Hood had once been part of the nobility.

 

Her silence had him looking away from the blooms and back towards her. She could see him suppress a grin at her quiet appraisal, the corners of his lips lifting up briefly letting appear the dimples his son had inherited. She didn’t let it get to her though, and kept looking at him from head to toe, until he started to fidget, and only then did she catch his eyes and started talking.

 

“You must have a death wish,” she said. “At least, last time, you had your little toy to give you some illusion of protection.”

 

He glowered at the mention of his weapon of choice being referred to as a toy, but wisely chose not to comment. “My son hasn’t been able to talk about anything else but you since you met. I wanted to know what he could possibly have seen.”

 

“By breaking and entering, risking your life in the process?” Regina asked, arching a brow.

 

Robin shrugged. “It’s what I do,” he replied simply. “You can learn a lot about a person this way. For example the fact that you haven’t burned me to a crisp leads me to believe that you are more curious about the reason of my presence than threatened by it. I have to admit that it’s not what I was expecting from the Evil Queen.”

 

She crossed her arms under her chest, knowingly drawing his gaze to her cleavage, and she smirked as his eyes raked her up and down. He gulped and looked away when he noticed that he had been caught ogling her.

 

“You presume that you know anything about me, Thief?”

 

“I wouldn’t dare to presume anything where you’re concerned, Milady. I only observe.”

 

“It’s _Your Majesty_ , and you would do well to remember it, you’re treading on thin enough ice as it is.”

 

He bowed with a flourish, and she rolled her eyes at his antics.

 

“You are taking a lot of chances for someone who has a young son waiting for him to come home.”

 

“Maybe I want to prove the forked tongues wrong. My son saw something in you, and he may be knee-high to a grasshopper, but he is usually quite a good judge of character.”

 

“Men, young or old, are easily fooled by a pretty face. You should teach your son that some people do deserve their reputations, and to stay away.”

 

“And yet, you kept his present, and here you are arguing with me instead of sending me flying over your balcony railing.”

 

“Don’t tempt me. It sounds rather entertaining.”

 

“At least, I would have good cause to warn my son off then.”

 

That gave Regina pause. She couldn’t understand why the thought of disappointing a child that she had spent all of a minute with was so unbearable, probably because she knew all too well that disappointment hit children harder.

 

“Though when I remember the way you treated him, and the care you’ve shown to keep his present intact, I’m wondering if  someone who does that can be as wicked as they say,” Robin mused, but Regina didn’t have to think about her answer.

 

“They don’t know the half of it,” she replied at once. “If you came all this way because you thought you could somehow redeem me, you have wasted your time.” She had stopped caring about the people’s approbation long ago, when she had learned that nothing she did or say would be good enough in this court stuck in the past and the cult of a dead woman and her insipid, treacherous daughter.

 

“I wouldn’t say ‘redeem’, just curious about the woman behind the monstrous façade you choose to show the world. No one is born evil.”

 

Regina’s breath caught in her throat as she remembered a young girl who dreamed of a simple life far away from power plays and sorcery, before grief, neglect and desillusion made her lose what little hope she had left.

 

She could see that he had noticed the way his words had affected her, and he pressed through the crack in her armour.

 

“I know a thing or two about darkness, I know how hard it is to resist it when you have no one and nothing to pull you back. I remember the way it insidiously consumes you, so that, by the time you realise it, it's almost too late to do anything about it.”

 

She could hardly imagine this man teetering on the brink of the abyss she had been so drawn to, and yet there was an edge to him, something just reckless enough to let her glimpse the crook behind the noble thief.

 

“I’m guessing you’re going to say that it’s your son who helped you find your way back to the path of the righteous,” and he nodded. “Well, that’s where you and I are different, there is nothing out there for me, revenge is the only thing keeping me going.” There were no more stable boys, no fairies, no men with lion tattoos waiting for her in a tavern somewhere; it was all gone, only her burning desire to get even with Snow, with anyone who had wrecked her life, remained.

 

“I don’t pretend to know the first thing about magic. I usually try to avoid it like the plague, but I can admit that it has its uses. What I do know is that darkness can’t exist without light, it feeds on it until it has snuffed it out.”

 

“And your point is?”

 

“That you’re still standing, maybe not all hope is lost.”

 

“You were right when you said that you don’t know the first thing about it. Dark magic is all I know, there is no changing that.”

 

“I wonder if that’s true, or if it’s the only kind you were taught. They whisper that the Dark One was your mentor. I have _met_ the creature,” and his curt tone let Regina know all she needed to about how that particular encounter went. “And I don’t think that he has ever done anything that wasn’t in his own interest. You want revenge and he trained you to achieve it, but at what cost? What’s the price for Snow White’s death? What’s in it for him, have you ever asked him that?”

 

She had not, mostly because she did not care much about what would happen after she would eventually get her hands on her stepdaughter. It was foolish of course, she knew better than to give the Dark One any leeway, but really as long as her mind could finally be at peace, knowing that Daniel was avenged, did it really matter?

 

“You don’t know what she took from me,” Regina told Robin. “The pain she caused.”

 

“But is it worth losing your soul? Whatever you do to Snow White, it will destroy you, and what good can that do? In the end, she will have won, even dead she will have taken everything from you.”

 

Were he talking to a saner person, it would probably be easier for him to make her see the sense in his words, though sanity had been in rare supply in Regina’s life in recent years. When you only have one desire, one goal, one aspiration, you certainly won’t be talked out of it by the first stranger you meet, no matter how convincing said stranger could be.

 

“I think you have said all you wanted to, haven’t you?”

 

He obviously thought that he had made some headway, if his startled look and hanging mouth were anything to go by. He recovered faster than she would have thought, and nodded.

 

“I guess I have. Farewell, Your Majesty,” he said, and Regina couldn’t help but feel a pang at the correct use of her title and the formal bow he performed before leaving the same way he came.

 

Her rooms couldn’t take much more destruction, she thought later as she crawled into bed, exhausted after once more tearing down and putting back together her chambers. She had nearly caused an earthquake this time, the very foundations of the castle vibrating with her fury. How did this man, who was no one and nothing to her, dare to invade her privacy and confront her with all her insecurities? What did he even know?

 

And yet, his son’s gift still stood on her nightstand, and she tossed and turned most of the night, sleep eluding her as, each time she closed her eyes, she remembered Robin Hood’s crestfallen expression before he left. When she finally nodded off, her dream of Daniel soon turned into a nightmare, as her true love rejected the monster she had become, horrified at the sight of her covered in Snow’s blood, killed in his name.

 

She wasn’t sure he would come when she sent the message, though she certainly hoped he would. It had been weeks since he had risked certain death by coming to her, but she had needed that time to sort out her feelings and thoughts, and genuinely wonder if she was willing to stop her pursuit, if she could put the Evil Queen to rest in order to give Regina a chance to live.

 

She was leaning against a tree, at the edge of the woods, cloaked in black, watching the Dark Palace burn, her guards and servants running around trying to salvage what they could and thinking that she was still inside. Fools. A magical experiment gone wrong causing a fire that wouldn’t die; it’d take more than that to bring her down.

 

She heard a slight rustle of leaves behind her, too close to be anything other than intentional, someone trying not to startle her.

 

“You’re here,” she said, not looking away from the rather fascinating sight in front of her.

 

He joined her, standing by her side, right in her space, his arm brushing against hers. “It was a near thing. Roland found your message and all but ordered me to come. I was rather certain we were done with each other after last time.”

 

She looked down for a second, swallowing heavily and pursing her lips, she had never really been good at this. “It’s not easy for me to admit, but you were right. Rumple only let me think he would help me against Snow. It turns out he has been orchestrating his own plan all along, and it did not include me getting what I want.” It had taken careful spying to find that out.

 

“Does it mean that you have changed your mind?” Robin asked, the ‘just like that’ unsaid but heavily implied.

 

“I can’t promise that, if our paths were to cross, I wouldn’t hurt Snow, but I would rather it happened on my terms than on Rumple’s,” she replied, turning towards him. “It’s the best I can offer for now.”

 

He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. “I guess you would fit right in with a bunch of people looking for a second chance,” he said at last, the beginning of a dimpled smile on his lips.

 

She sighed in relief. They both twirled back towards the castle as it began to collapse.

 

“Your handiwork, I assume?”

 

Regina nodded. “I doubt that it will fool Rumple for long, but hopefully it will give me enough time to disappear.” It would mean giving up on magic, and that would be its own kind of hell, but there would be no fresh start without it.

 

“The Evil Queen is dead,” she whispered, and Robin squeezed her shoulder gently.

 

“Long live Regina,” he completed.


	5. First Curse AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some violence ahead.
> 
> Going back to this story for the OQ Update Month. I feel like I should apologise in advance for this chapter cause it is much angstier than the rest of this story, and I promise to make it up in fluff in the next one, but the muse kept going in that direction and she is such a fickle bitch lately that I couldn't risk upsetting her, also the beta is an enabler, so there you go. I hope you will still enjoy this!

It was a discussion with Roland that sparked Regina’s sudden desire to taste her unique wine once more. Her not-so-little Knight had wondered how their lives would have turned out if he and his father had been brought over by the first curse. Regina had realised that she had never considered it before, though she couldn’t help but be grateful that Robin and Roland hadn’t been there to see her at her lowest. Even though that time of her life had proved incredibly rewarding by giving her Henry, she wasn’t particularly proud of the web of lies, manipulations, and intrigues that she had woven which had almost cost her her son. Though he had forgiven her long ago, she could never quite forgive herself for putting him in such danger just for the sake of her curse.

Yet, the question wouldn’t leave her mind, could Robin and Roland have make a difference? She wasn’t sure that they would have. If she had opened herself to the possibility of a relationship back then, it probably would have only reinforced her willpower to stop Emma from breaking her curse and revealing her secrets. She wouldn’t have wanted to lose Robin and Roland, anymore that she had been willing to lose Henry, and the result would have been the same. She wondered and wondered as she walked along the streets of Storybrooke, and when she found herself in front of her vault, she sighed, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to rest until she got some sort of answer.

Settling back in her comfiest armchair, she sipped her wine and let her mind wander.

* * *

Regina clung to Robin as her son’s life slipped away, tears streaming down her face as she asked herself what kind of mother put her curse’s safety before her son’s. She should have known that he wouldn’t let Emma go without a fight, even if it meant risking his own life. Robin tightened his embrace as Henry’s monitor flatlined, and Regina could feel her own heart stop beating. She hid her face against Robin’s chest, sobbing. She didn’t see Emma bending down to kiss Henry’s forehead, but she felt the wave of True Love’s magic that her action released. She froze, not daring to hope, but when she heard a gasp she swirled round, watching her precious boy straightening up, breathing easily again.

Leaving the hospital so soon after Henry’s awakening was torture, but with the whole town recovering their memories Regina knew that she couldn’t stay. Whatever was going to happen, she didn’t want her son to see it. Robin had seemed dazed, but he had squeezed her arm to the point of pain, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be anywhere near him when he would become fully aware. He, more than most, had reasons to feel betrayed.

She hadn’t realised that he had followed her home until he burst into her entryway before she even had the chance to climb the second flight of stairs. She had never seen him like that, and she knew what was going to happen before he even reached for her neck. It was somehow fitting that it would end like that, Regina fleetingly thought as the pressure on her windpipe increased viciously. Her mother had drilled into her from a young age that love was weakness, but she hadn’t listened, she had fallen for Daniel, she had followed Tinkerbell on a quest for her soulmate, she had given what remained of her dark heart to Henry unreservedly, and what was left of it all now?

Darkness was creeping at the edge of her field of vision, she would lose consciousness soon, but she wasn’t struggling against him, she had been conditioned long ago not to struggle, he was too strong and she didn’t have any magic to stop him. She looked away from his face, so completely twisted with rage, so different from the kind, smiling man who had chipped away at her defences, who had spent twenty-eight years greeting her everyday outside of Granny’s with the same wide grin that the perpetually four years old tot by his side had obviously inherited, who had readily offered her advices and tips when she had been struggling with baby Henry, undeterred by her sometimes biting retorts, who had found her in the forest, her lips still bloodied and swollen by Emma’s fist, the dust from Graham’s crushed heart still clinging to her hand and clothes. She had told him not to bother that evening, to stay away from her because she was evil and people around her only got hurt. He hadn’t wanted to believe her, he obviously knew better now. 

Her eyes fell on his right wrist, his rolled up sleeve letting his tattoo appear. She remembered the first time she had seen it, during the first night they had made love. She had felt so good then, with Snow in jail with barely any support left, her vengeance nearly complete, she had been so close to show everyone who the little, innocent school teacher really was: a lying, murderous, stupid girl. She had been so close to put Daniel’s memory to rest, to make Henry realise that he had been wrong about her. 

She had invited Robin over after Henry had gone to sleep, they had been circling around taking the next step for weeks, and that night had seemed like the perfect moment. Robin certainly hadn’t disappointed, eager as he had been. His tattoo hadn’t registered at first, she had been so distracted by all the wicked things he had been doing with his tongue, his mouth, his fingers, but afterwards as they had rested and had been drifting off to sleep, she had finally recognized it and she had felt as if the ground had fallen away under her.

She had always wondered why the Locksleys had been so barely affected by the curse both in their identities and way of life, could this be why? Had the Curse recognized the link that connected her to her soulmate and spared them from too much torment? Or had it been more cruel to them, more insidious? Making Robin believe that Regina was more deserving than she really was? Fabricated feelings he couldn’t escape from?

Thinking and remembering were becoming too difficult, she was so dizzy, her brain no longer properly supplied in oxygen, bright spots were exploding all over the place, her feet, dangling in the air, were beginning to trash about, her body in full panic mode now. She grabbed his wrist, hiding the tattoo beneath her fingers, not wanting to see the reminder of what should have been her second chance anymore.

Her touch seemed to send an electric shock through Robin, and he let go of her. The sudden air intake sent Regina violently coughing, and she would have slid to the ground, unable to hold herself up, if the realisation of what he had done hadn’t sent Robin to his knees in front of her. The top of his head pressing against her stomach was the only thing keeping her upright.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating over and over, looking down at his hands in horror.

Regina’s legs felt like jelly, the adrenaline that had been spiking in the panic was wearing off, her eyelids were so heavy she could barely keep them open, as she kept gulping the air, almost to the point of heaving. Her heart was racing so fast, she was certain that it would end up beating out of her chest. She all but collapsed to the ground, finding herself at eye level with Robin once more. He raised a hand towards her, and she reflexively tensed, backing against the wall as much as she could, trying to put a few more inches between them, though it wouldn’t make much of a difference. His eyes widened, and he sat back further away, giving her room to recover. Feeling the salty droplets at the corner of her mouth, Regina understood that he had only wanted to brush away her tears. She was so confused by his attitude, her mental abilities certainly were not restored enough to comprehend why he had stopped, why he was still here, his face sorrowful.

“I’m so sorry, Regina...” Robin started, making Regina flinch at the sudden break of the heavy silence that had only been filled by her panting.

She shook her head. “I think you should go,” she said hoarsely, each syllable costing her. “There will be a line at the door to finish the job soon enough.” The effort sent her coughing again.

The thought seemed to horrify him, and for the life of her, Regina didn’t get why.

“What happened earlier…” Robin tried again. “I don’t know what came over me. That blind rage… It felt like it wouldn’t stop until…” he paused.

“Until you had your hands around my neck?” Regina completed for him, in a gravelly voice. “Can’t say that I blame you, or that I’m surprised, you’re not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last. That’s why you should go back to your son and let the others come.”

“I won’t do that!” Robin protested. “I can’t… I didn’t want to hurt you, Regina. Why would I…"

“Because I betrayed and cursed you along with this whole town? Because I am a dangerous, murderous witch? Take your pick, it doesn’t really matter to me,” she was too tired to care.

“But the Curse didn’t hurt me, it kept Roland and I together all these years. He didn't get to grow up yet, but he is happy and safe, in a world where vaccines, penicillin and plumbing exist. I don’t mind giving up my life in Sherwood for that chance,” Robin argued. “If anything, I should thank you.”

She must have lost a good number of brain cells, because what he was saying didn’t make any sense to her. “Thank me? What about the lies, the deception, pretending to be someone else?”

He sighed. “I won’t say that I’m thrilled about that, but I don’t think that you were really pretending,” he elaborated as she raised a single eyebrow n disbelief. “You’re difficult, Regina, you make no secret of it, you don’t play nice with idiots, you don’t care about being liked if it comes at the cost of being efficient, you command respect just as a Queen would. No matter how much you will deny it, you care enough about this town to have dedicated the past few decades to it. Most importantly, and I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say about it, you love your son more than life itself, and there is no faking that. I have seen you struggle with being the best mother you could be from day one. You have made mistakes, but who hasn’t? What I did,” he swallowed heavily. “What I almost did, you don’t deserve that.”

Regina was astounded, at a loss for words as she had rarely been before, but then she caught sight of his right wrist again, and she exhaled, letting her head fall back against the wall, closing her eyes tightly as tears pricked the corners. “You don’t really mean that,” she croaked, and she pinched her lips tightly as he instantly replied, sounding offended, that of course he did. “You are conditioned to think this.”

“Your curse is broken, love,” and how she wished he would stop saying that so easily, “it can’t condition anyone anymore.”

“Not by the curse, by that,” she indicated his tattoo.

He seemed confused, and slightly worried for her mental health as well, but then so was she.

“What does my family crest has to do with any of this?”

“It’s not the tattoo itself, it’s the fact that you wear it.” She was so tired, she didn’t even care that she was barely making sense. “It’s a sign that you and I are connected, by fate or whatever you want to call it.”

“What are you saying?”

She looked straight at him. “That you and I are soulmates. Two parts of the same soul once divided, that’s why you couldn’t kill me, you can’t kill a part of yourself, that’s why the curse barely affected you, it recognised our connection. That’s why you think you have feelings.”

He was stunned by her little revelation, that much was obvious. “How long have you known about this?”

“That I have a soulmate? Years. A fairy led me to you long ago, but it would have been reckless to pursue it back then, I was still married, still an Apprentice. Neither the King nor the Dark One would have let me go easily. I realised it was you only recently,” she looked away, and he didn’t need further explanations. Her attitude after they had made love had puzzled him, but so much was happening that he hadn’t had time to dwell on it, now he knew.

“So you assume that because of our connection, my feelings can’t be real?”

“I don’t assume, I know. People don’t love me, Robin, they fear me, they may respect me, but they don’t love me. My own son rejected me, and he was right to do so, I was so driven by my desire for vengeance, by wanting to get rid of Snow and Emma that I almost killed him. Don’t you see who I am…” Her voice broke, because of the pain or the emotion she wasn’t sure.

“Human,” he replied simply. “You’re human, you love, you hate, you suffer, you fight back, it’s what we do.”

She shook her head. “Not the way I do.”

He shrugged. “Maybe because most haven’t been hurt the way you have.”

“This right here is proof that you’re not thinking clearly. No one else will want to hear this.”

“Can’t account for other people’s stupidity and small-mindedness.”

He was undeterred, and it was going to get him killed. “Go home, Robin, go back to Roland and forget about all of this. They won’t care that you’re a good man if they find you trying to defend me.”

“What exemple would I be setting for my son if I left you all alone? Do you think he would forgive me for it? I’m not taking that chance, and  _ I _ want the chance to properly deal with what’s going on here. Let them come, I’m staying right here.”

* * *

Regina woke up, her glass falling to the ground and breaking in hundreds of pieces. She heaved in a deep breath. She could still feel the pressure on her neck. 

Out of all the encounters she had imagined before, this one shook her the most. Robin had never hurt her in all the time they had known each other, even when she was driving him crazy during their year in the Enchanted Forest, even during the Curse of Shattered Sight when they had all been at their worst.

She was suddenly glad that he hadn’t come over with the first Curse, he could have never lived with himself for nearly ending her.  As for the rest, what he had said, how he would have tried to stand by her no matter what, ignoring the danger it would have put him in then… Well. He would only have died sooner, wouldn't he? His fate would always have been to die defending her.

And there was little comfort to take from that.


End file.
